“Why did you go into all that about getting the speeding ticket and driving through Ohio?”
“Because those are times I got pissed off at cops and didn’t say anything, when maybe if I had I would’ve felt better.”
“You feel better now?”
“Not much. Let’s have a beer.” Carmen said, “That sounds like a good idea.”
She said, “You know how when you cross your t you put the bar above the stem?”
“You said it meant I was witty.”
“It does, but sometimes—I’ve never told you—there’s sort of a downward slant to your t bar and that shows a quick temper.”
“I’ll work on crossing it straighter,” Wayne said, “see if I can improve my personality.”
“You might just try to lighten up,” Carmen said.” (Elmore Leonard, Killshot)
Writing Exercise: Subtext, Dialogue Dynamics, and Character-Revealing Details
Techniques Illustrated by the Quotation:
1. Subtext in Dialogue – The conversation in Killshot isn’t just about handwriting or a speeding ticket. The characters communicate frustration, intimacy, and emotional undercurrents through implication rather than direct statements.
2. Characterization Through Speech Patterns and Cadence – The rhythm of Wayne and Carmen’s dialogue reveals their personalities. Carmen is observant, teasing but insightful. Wayne is defensive yet willing to engage. Their dynamic feels lived-in and real.
3. Indirect Emotional Expression – Wayne’s reference to past experiences with cops suggests lingering resentment, but he only acknowledges a fraction of what he feels. Carmen redirects the conversation, offering a mix of humor and subtle critique.
Writing Prompt:
Two characters are having a seemingly casual conversation about an ordinary topic—a grocery list, a broken remote, a traffic jam—but beneath the surface, unresolved tension simmers. The interaction should reveal their personalities, history, and emotional states without explicit exposition. One character tries to steer the conversation toward a deeper issue, while the other resists or deflects.
Guidelines:
• Keep the exchange under 500 words.
• No internal monologue—everything must be conveyed through dialogue, pacing, and action beats.
• Use subtext to reveal the underlying issue without stating it outright.
• Incorporate a subtle character detail (a habit, phrase, or reaction) that hints at something deeper about them.
Strong vs. Weak Examples:
Strong Response:
A man and his sister argue over a stubborn grocery store cashier who never makes eye contact. The sister keeps circling back to their father’s funeral last year, noting how the cashier reminds her of their father in his last days—distant, unreachable. The brother refuses to engage, deflecting with a joke, until she says, “You didn’t even look at him in the hospital either.” His next line? A clipped, “What’s for dinner?”—an evasion that says everything.
Weak Response:
A couple discusses their broken television. The dialogue is functional, stating facts rather than revealing character:
“I think the remote’s dead.”
“Probably needs new batteries.”
“Should we get some?”
“Yeah, I’ll add it to the list.”
No tension, no underlying meaning, no reason to care about their dynamic.
Evaluation Criteria:
• Subtext Mastery – Does the dialogue hint at deeper emotions without overt explanation?
• Natural Speech Patterns – Does the conversation sound authentic, with variations in sentence length and rhythm?
• Character Depth – Do the characters’ speech habits, word choices, and responses reflect their personalities and histories?
• Tension and Movement – Even in a small moment, does the exchange evolve, revealing shifts in power, emotion, or understanding?
Follow-Up Questions for Workshopping/Revision:
• Where does subtext emerge most effectively? Where is it too on-the-nose or too obscure?
• How do speech patterns shape the characters? Are they distinct enough?
• Does the tension rise and fall naturally, or does the scene feel flat?
• Could small tweaks to pacing or line breaks enhance the impact of certain moments?
Recommended Reading:
• Raymond Carver’s What We Talk About When We Talk About Love – The dialogue in this story is deceptively simple but packed with subtext, revealing layers of character dynamics through what is said—and more importantly, what isn’t.
• Lorrie Moore’s Terrific Mother – Moore’s dialogue is sharp, layered, and full of humor that masks deeper emotional wounds. This story demonstrates how casual conversation can carry a charge of regret, avoidance, and unspoken grief.
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