Writing Exercise: The Disappearing Narrator

Writing Exercise: The Disappearing Narrator

Key Techniques:

Objective Scene Rendering – The writer vanishes behind observed behavior, external dialogue, and sensory detail. No commentary, no interpretation. Subtextual Dialogue – Meaning lies beneath what is said; past and emotion are implied, not explained. Dramatic Compression – A full relationship arc is embedded in a brief moment, with stakes revealed only through action and tension.

Writing Prompt (500 words):

Set your scene in a neutral public space—a DMV waiting room, a laundromat at closing time, a sidewalk outside a convenience store. Two characters who have not spoken in years encounter each other unexpectedly. One wants to reconnect or resolve something; the other is resistant or preoccupied. Without providing any backstory, exposition, or internal monologue, let the reader infer their history, relationship, and emotional stakes solely through their spoken words, gestures, silences, and surroundings. Avoid metaphor, interpretation, and flourish. Nothing happens that isn’t physically observable.

Evaluation Criteria:

Writing remains invisible: no intrusions, explanations, or summary. The scene builds emotional resonance through character action, dialogue, and silence. The history and complexity of the relationship are implied, not described. Dialogue sounds specific and lived-in, not theatrical or overly polished. Every line earns its place in the scene’s emotional architecture.

Strong vs. Weak Responses:

Strong: A woman rearranges folding chairs at a community center while her ex-husband signs in for an AA meeting. She asks if he wants coffee. He says, “Still too soon for small talk.” She smiles without looking up. The rest unfolds through their interaction with the room, the silence between them, and one brief exchange about a missed birthday. The reader feels the weight of what happened—without ever being told.

Weak: A man sees his old friend and thinks back to the day they fought. The narration explains the reasons for the estrangement. Dialogue becomes a vessel for exposition: “I always thought you blamed me for the accident.” The writer steps in frequently to describe emotions, robbing the scene of tension and nuance.

Follow-Up Workshopping/Revision Questions:

Where is the narrator visible? Where are emotions or motivations explained instead of shown? Which moments rely on summary instead of dramatization? Are the characters’ silences doing enough? Can more be cut to create space for subtext? Does the physical environment support or contradict the emotional tone?

Recommended Reading:

“The Breeze” by Joshua Ferris (from The New Yorker) – The story captures a fraught emotional dynamic in a deceptively simple scene. Ferris disappears behind clipped dialogue, rhythmic shifts, and the slippery tension of a couple caught in ambivalence. No exposition, no narrator voice—just two people trying and failing to connect.

AI Disclosure Statement:

This writing prompt was created in collaboration with ChatGPT, an AI model by OpenAI, to support creative practice. ChatGPT assisted with idea generation and drafting; the final text was edited by the author. The illustration was created using Google Gemini.