“So we might understand revision as a way of practicing relationship; seeing what, when we do it, improves the relationship between ourselves and the reader. What makes it more intense, direct, and honest? What drives it into the ditch? The exciting thing is that we’re not doomed to ask these questions abstractly; we get to ask them locally, by running our meter over the phrases, sentences, sections, etc., that make up our story, while assuming some continuity of reaction between the reader and ourselves.” (George Saunders, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain)
Writing Exercise: Practicing Relationship Through Revision
Key Writing Techniques:
1. Precision in Emotional Impact – Refining language to create a more intense, direct, and honest relationship between writer and reader.
2. Local vs. Global Revisions – Identifying micro-level (phrases, sentences) and macro-level (sections, pacing) elements that enhance or weaken the story.
3. Reader Continuity – Developing an intuitive sense of how a reader experiences the work and adjusting accordingly.
Writing Prompt:
Write a 500-word scene featuring a character struggling to communicate something deeply personal to another character. The relationship may be familial, romantic, professional, or even a brief encounter with a stranger, but the emotional weight of what is unsaid should be as crucial as what is spoken.
First, draft the scene focusing only on getting the character’s internal conflict onto the page. Do not worry about style or conciseness. Then, spend an hour revising using the following steps:
1. Identify weak spots in clarity and intensity – Highlight areas where the emotional tension could be sharper. Cut vague or unnecessary words.
2. Strengthen key moments – Where does the scene need a stronger turn of phrase, more directness, or more space for the reader to feel the weight of the interaction?
3. Run a “meter” over each sentence – Read aloud and note where energy drops. Experiment with restructuring or condensing to create a sharper effect.
4. Evaluate the relationship between your intended effect and the reader’s likely reaction – Does the scene achieve the intensity you aimed for? If not, revise further.
Evaluation Criteria:
• Strength of emotional clarity – Does the character’s internal conflict translate powerfully onto the page?
• Effectiveness of revision choices – Do changes make the prose more direct, intense, and engaging?
• Reader experience – Would an outside reader feel the intended impact, or is meaning lost in abstraction or overwriting?
Follow-Up Questions for Workshopping:
• Where did the tension feel strongest? Where did it wane?
• Were there moments where the prose felt overwritten or diluted?
• Did the reader experience the character’s struggle as intended, or did the emotional arc need sharpening?
• How did revision shift the impact of the piece? What elements benefited most from cutting, expanding, or restructuring?
Recommended Reading:
“The Half-Skinned Steer” by Annie Proulx – A masterclass in how sentence-level revision sharpens emotional intensity and deepens reader engagement.
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