“LaBrava released the shutter and went down to his knees, eye level. “Come on, this’s supposed to be young love. You’re crazy about each other.”
“Like The Blue Lagoon, man,” Paco said, looking bland, cool, not reacting when the girl punched him on the back of the neck.
“He’s crazy all right,” she said.
“That Blue Lagoon, man, you see that? Why did it take them so long, you know, to get it on? Man, they don’t do nothing for most of the movie.”
The girl punched him again. “They kids. How do they know how to do it, nobody tell them.”
“I knew,” Paco, the lover, said, grinning. “It’s something a man is born with, knowing how to do it.”
“You the creature from the blue lagoon,” the girl said, “tha’s who you are.” Stretching now, bored.” (Elmore Leonard, Labrava)
Writing Exercise: Capturing Voice, Subtext, and Dynamic Interaction
Key Techniques Illustrated by the Quotation:
1. Distinctive Character Voice:
Each character has a unique way of speaking that reflects their background and personality. For example, Paco’s casual bravado contrasts with the girl’s sharp, playful sarcasm. The rhythm of their dialogue is unpolished and natural, which adds authenticity.
2. Subtext and Implied Emotion:
The conversation about The Blue Lagoon isn’t just about the movie—it reveals underlying dynamics between the characters. The girl’s punches, Paco’s grinning confidence, and LaBrava’s eye-level perspective suggest layers of affection, frustration, and possibly manipulation without being explicit.
3. Dynamic Interaction:
Physical actions (the girl punching Paco) and dialogue combine to create a lively, tension-filled interaction. The characters’ shifting focus and the boredom creeping into the girl’s reactions make the scene feel alive and unpredictable.
Writing Prompt:
Write a 500-word scene where three characters discuss a cultural artifact (e.g., a film, song, viral video, or meme). The artifact should be a point of contention or spark differing attitudes that reflect the characters’ personalities and relationships.
Guidelines:
• Give each character a distinct voice through their vocabulary, tone, and rhythm.
• Use subtext to reveal their relationships—let readers infer emotional dynamics through how they speak, not what they explicitly say.
• Include nonverbal communication (gestures, movements, or expressions) to enrich the interaction and reflect unspoken tensions or emotions.
Example Responses to the Exercise:
Strong Response:
The cultural artifact is a viral video of a guy attempting parkour and failing dramatically.
Scene:
“Tell me you saw it,” Carla said, leaning forward like she was about to pounce. “He hit the Dumpster so hard it knocked the lid clean off.”
“Classic overachiever,” Luis said, his fork hovering mid-air. “Bet he thought he was gonna stick the landing like Spider-Man.”
“Right? And then—boom!” Carla slapped the table, her laugh sharp and bright. “Gravity said ‘not today.’”
“Not funny,” Nia muttered, scrolling through her phone.
Carla whipped her head around. “Not funny? He’s fine, Nia. It’s a joke.”
“Yeah, except he’s not fine.” Nia set the phone down, her voice cool. “He broke his arm. And someone kept filming instead of helping.”
Luis shrugged, finally taking a bite. “Guy knew the risks. You try to jump rooftops, you’re signing up for a little public humiliation.”
Nia leaned back, crossing her arms. “But you’re laughing at him. Like he’s not an actual person.”
Carla snorted. “He put it online himself. He’s laughing too.”
“Or pretending to because he doesn’t want to look pathetic,” Nia shot back.
Luis raised his eyebrows at Carla. “Deep analysis, Professor.”
Carla smirked. “Nia’s just mad because she fell off her bike last week.”
“I didn’t fall. My chain slipped.”
“Whatever you say, Tour de France.”
Nia’s jaw tightened, but she stayed quiet, her fingers picking at a thread on her sleeve.
What Makes This Strong:
• Voice: Each character has a distinct tone: Carla is brash and teasing, Luis is laid-back and sardonic, and Nia is thoughtful but defensive.
• Subtext: Nia’s annoyance isn’t just about the video; it hints at insecurity from her bike accident. Carla uses humor to dominate, while Luis keeps things neutral but subtly undermines Nia.
• Interaction: The physical actions—Carla’s table slap, Nia’s fidgeting—enhance the tension. The scene feels lively, with multiple dynamics at play.
Weak Response:
The cultural artifact is the same viral parkour video.
Scene:
“Did you see that video?” Carla asked.
“Yeah,” Luis said. “It was funny when he hit the Dumpster.”
“I didn’t think it was funny,” Nia said. “He got hurt.”
“He posted it himself,” Carla said. “He must’ve thought it was funny too.”
“Maybe,” Nia said. “But still, people shouldn’t laugh at others getting hurt.”
“Lighten up,” Carla said. “It’s not a big deal.”
Nia shrugged. “I guess.”
What Makes This Weak:
• Voice: All characters sound similar—there’s no unique rhythm or vocabulary that distinguishes them.
• Subtext: The dialogue is overly direct, leaving no room for readers to infer deeper dynamics or emotions.
• Interaction: There’s little action or movement to complement the dialogue. The scene feels flat and unengaging.
Evaluation Criteria Recap:
1. Voice: Do the characters sound distinct and believable?
2. Subtext: Is there depth to the conversation, or is everything spelled out?
3. Interaction: Does the dialogue flow naturally, with physical actions adding layers of meaning?
Follow-Up Workshop Questions:
1. How can the cultural artifact be used to better reflect the characters’ emotions or relationships?
2. Are there moments where the dialogue could be less explicit and more suggestive?
3. Does the pacing of the scene keep the interaction engaging? Are there any slow or static moments?
Recommended Reading:
1. “Bullet in the Brain” by Tobias Wolff: This short story features sharp, distinctive dialogue that reveals the protagonist’s personality and relationships through tone, subtext, and interaction. It’s a great example of using conversation to highlight deeper character dynamics.
2. “The Management of Grief” by Bharati Mukherjee: While less dialogue-driven, this story masterfully uses subtle interactions and subtext to reveal complex emotional relationships between characters, making it an excellent study in implied emotion and layered communication.
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