“Description is nearly always more vivid if whatever your POV character perceives is allowed to be the *subject* of your sentence(s), especially if narrated with character-revealing attitude.” (Stephen Geez, Point of View (POV) #5: UPOVRs)
Writing Exercise: Character-Centered Description with POV Attitude
This exercise focuses on enhancing vividness in description by:
1. Prioritizing the character’s perceptions: Ensuring the described object/scene is filtered through the POV character’s experience.
2. Conveying character attitude through narration: Using tone, word choice, and imagery to reveal the narrator’s personality or mood.
3. Dynamic sentence structure: Placing the described object/scene as the subject of sentences to keep the writing direct and engaging.
Writing Prompt:
Write a 500-word scene where a POV character enters a new, unfamiliar space (e.g., a mysterious shop, a crowded subway station, a distant relative’s home) and perceives their surroundings. As you write:
• Filter every detail through the character’s perspective. How do their perceptions reflect their emotional state, personality, or biases?
• Ensure objects or scenes are subjects of your sentences, but narrated with language that reflects the character’s attitude (e.g., disdain, awe, curiosity).
• Avoid neutral, objective descriptions. Everything the character notices should reveal something about them.
Example Starting Points:
1. A character with a perfectionist streak walks into a cluttered thrift shop.
2. A teenager grieving a breakup enters an opulent hotel lobby.
3. A skeptical journalist visits a reclusive artist’s studio for the first time.
Evaluation Criteria:
A strong response will:
1. Filter all details through the POV character’s perspective:
• Weak: “The room was cluttered with books and paintings.”
• Strong: “Books teetered in precarious piles, their mismatched spines like a puzzle no one bothered to solve.”
2. Reveal character through description:
• Weak: “The subway smelled like metal and sweat.”
• Strong: “The sharp tang of metal and the sourness of sweat churned in the humid air—a fitting perfume for people who couldn’t bother to look up from their phones.”
3. Make the subject of the sentence vivid and dynamic:
• Weak: “She felt intimidated by the studio’s size.”
• Strong: “The cavernous studio swallowed her whole, its walls bristling with canvases too large and too loud to ignore.”
Follow-Up Questions for Workshopping/Revision:
1. Does the character’s attitude come through in the way they perceive and describe their surroundings?
2. Are there any sentences where the description feels too objective or detached from the POV character?
3. Which details in the scene reveal the most about the character? Could these be heightened or expanded?
4. Are there any missed opportunities to place the perceived object/scene as the subject of a sentence?
Recommended Reading:
• Short Story: “A Temporary Matter” by Jhumpa Lahiri
• This story uses a close third-person perspective to filter domestic spaces through a grieving couple’s emotional lens, with subtle descriptions that reveal deep emotional undercurrents.
• Novel Excerpt: “The Goldfinch” by Donna Tartt (early scene describing the museum bombing aftermath)
• Tartt masterfully filters vivid, sensory descriptions through Theo’s shocked and disoriented state, showcasing both perception and character attitude.
This exercise is designed for a two-hour writing session, with 90 minutes for drafting and 30 minutes for reflection/revision. By the end, participants should have a scene rich in character-revealing description, ready for discussion or refinement.
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